The McClelland Family

So much to say…

…this post could really be 4 or 5 separate posts.  But seeing as how I still haven’t posted about Halloween, or Mary and Lila’s birthday party, or half the things I wanted to post from the summer…I better just get it all down now before the moment passes.

As of my last post we thought Lila was on the mend, but it turns out she wasn’t over her illness yet.  A few comments on that post suggested roseola, but our doctor didn’t think her symptoms fit that diagnosis because her fever persisted after the rash came, which isn’t normal.  And she had diarrhea (sorry Lila…someday that might embarrass you!) for 10 days prior to the fever and then once the fever arrived she didn’t go at ALL for 1 week.  Then the rash came while the fever was still raging.  This all brings us to Friday, mid-day…she threw up.  This new symptom, coupled with her lack of pooping, prompted a 4th trip to the doctor’s office.  After hearing her history and examining her abdomen, the doctor said she had most likely had an initial virus that caused the diarrhea, then contracted a secondary virus after that because her immune system was weakened.  As an afterthought, the doctor felt her neck and throat (even though she had already had a strep test earlier that week) and was surprised by all the lymph nodes she found.  Side note: we had taken Lila to the doctor back in September because a lymph node appeared out of nowhere one day and all we knew was that there was a lump the size of a pea on her neck, but the doctor assured us that it was just a lymph node and that she was probably fighting off some infection.  But on Friday, the doctor was able to feel several of them and said, “I’d feel better, and I’m sure you would to, if we did some bloodwork just to make sure this isn’t anything to be worried about.”  Then she left the room and Lila and I were alone, waiting for the nurse.

The whole point of the blood test was to make sure there was nothing to worry about.  So what did I immediately do?  Worry!  That wait was probably the longest 10 minutes of my life.  A thousand worries passed through my mind.  Could it be some serious illness?  Cancer?  Will she be okay?  What will we do?  What will happen to us?  Lila wasn’t feeling well at all and was laying in my arms with her eyes half closed, whimpering and moaning.  So I did all that I could.  I held onto her as tight as I could and sang to her and rocked her.  I held back my own tears because I didn’t want to scare Lila.  I also didn’t want to cry because crying would be admitting to myself that something could be seriously wrong.

The blood draw itself made me even more worried because Lila didn’t even blink an eye.  She was so out of it that she let a complete stranger wrap a rubber torniquet around her arm, jab her with a needle, and take 2 vials of blood.  There was a brief moment of whining when the needle went in but that was it.  The nurse even commented, “Is she always this mellow?  What an easy patient!”  I wanted Lila to complain.  To fight back.  To get mad.  Something, ANYTHING, that resembled her usual self.

Friday night was a long night.  The nurse said we would hear from them with the results in the morning, so all we could do was wait.  Coincidentally, I had already been waiting for some test results all day.  My National Boards scores were supposed to be released on Friday morning,but due to technical problems with their website they kept delaying it all day long.  Up until I got the call from my mom that Lila was puking, I was all up in arms about the late score release and just going about my work day like usual.  But the moment my mom called, and I knew that Lila was exhibiting another new symptom, National Boards completely escaped my mind.  I stopped checking their site after Lila’s doctor appointment on Friday because I could only worry about so many things at once.

On Saturday morning the phone rang and I saw our doctor’s office on my caller ID.  I swear my heart skipped a beat or two.  I answered and braced myself for the worst while hoping for the best.  The nurse said that her test results were fine and there was nothing out of the ordinary.  The relief I felt when I hung up is hard to describe.

I gained some serious perspective on Friday.  My National Boards scores seemed so insignificant after hearing that Lila was healthy (well, sick with some series of illnesses but healthy in the broader sense of the word).  We had a peaceful day on Saturday and I fell asleep watching TV on the couch that evening.  I woke up at about 12:30 am and realized I hadn’t checked the National Boards site all day.  “What the heck,”  I thought, “I might as well give it a look before I go to bed.”  And I logged on, still in that weird half-sleep stage where you can’t see straight, and it took me a minute to register what I was reading…I had passed!  I felt satisfied, and glad, but it was really overshadowed by the relief I felt when I heard that Lila’s bloodwork was normal.  What had seemed so important to me on Friday morning didn’t seem so important after Friday evening.  While I’m glad that I passed, I would have survived if I hadn’t.  But if Lila’s test results had been bad?  My world would have fallen apart.

After this weekend I think Lila is finally on the road to full recovery.  With the help of Miralax (a white powder that we dissolve in her drinks), she’s started going to the bathroom again.  She’s also eaten fairly well all weekend, and while she still asks to be held and snuggled a lot more than usual and has been sleeping more than usual, her playful personality has returned.

When we go around the table this Thursday to share what we’re thankful for, I know exactly what I’m going to say.